My hands have gotten rusty, my movements have slowed done considerably and my sleight of hand sloppiness is at an all-time high. I’m just being honest. I haven’t played with a deck of cards in the last 5 months. Instead my attention has been focused on fixing up my property, starting an online business and the general rigmarole of the all-consuming rat race. I’ve turned down so many amazing opportunities and have lost touch with why I was performing in the first place. It sucks admitting it but reality is reality. Or at least it was.
I’ve realized that if we are not careful, Life will consume us. The system will dominate you and you will fall back into that comfortable little cage of a work cycle. You will feel too tired to start something new (or resurrect something old) and the thought of using up the limited hours of your evenings to work on your craft will seem daunting when you’re exhausted. I know this because it has happened to me. You know this because it’s happened to you.
When I think about it I’ve missed the magic and the people that come with it, it’s a small part of my life that keeps me humble and happy. Performing on a stage or in a crowd (especially for the first time) is a feeling that is hard to describe, its one large hand grenade of emotions all violently blended into one. Excitement, Euphoria, Focus, Anxiety, Fear, Love and Creativity all kick in at the same time, and you’re left standing there with no choice but to absorb them. Your mind doesn’t quite know how to react and your body follows closely behind – one thing is for sure, you feel ALIVE. I could compare it to skydiving in a way – You find yourself in a plane, ready to take the plunge 10000 feet above the ground, the door opens and the winds are strong, at this point you’re calm and collected – you slide over to the edge of the plane, Equipment checked, you look the jump master in the eye and he starts his count down.
5 …. (Breathing)
4 … (Not Breathing)
3 … (This was a fucking terrible idea.)
2 … (Abort!!! Abort!!!)
For the next 5 seconds your body is being thrown around like a rag doll and you’re 100% sure you’re going to die. The world is spinning for what feels like minutes, Earth, Sky, Earth, Sky, Earth, Sky. Your heart is beating with sweet adrenaline but you’re too scared to notice. Anxiety is overwhelming every inch of your brain as your skin tightens up and your chest closes shut – A sudden jerk and your parachute is open. You’re stable. Looking down you see your dirty all-stars dangling above the miniature world. It’s beautiful, like a scene from the dream you had when you could fly. It’s calm, it’s quiet and you’re at peace. Your thoughts are free to absorb all that’s going on around you. The air is clean and you feel like you have new lungs for a moment. Serenity is all you know, at this point there is no fear, only bliss. You think you yourself “If only I could stay up here forever” and before you know it the ground is 2 meters from your feet and you’re focusing on not breaking your legs upon landing. In slow motion you blink…
Your eyes open slowly and you’re surrounded by a crowd of shocked faces as you’ve just finished a mind blowing card trick , people are screaming and freaking out , Euphoria creeps in, you know you’ve landed. The cards are packed away with hugs and high fives all round … no legs broken. It’s done. I’ve survived .I’m ALIVE! I look around for another crowd … another ‘plane’ … another jump. I move in.
My heart starts beating.
5… 4 …3… 2… 1.
…I’ll see you guys soon.